Five Times Lee Cries Over Losing Kara
by stardust2002
Summary: Five times fic short, sweet and to the point. LK Spoilers up to and including 'Crossroads part 1'. Speculation for part 2. No warnings.


**Five Times Lee Cries Over Losing Kara**

Yes, another 'five times' fic. I like these - short, sweet and to the point. Spoilers for this are up to Crossroads Part 1 - I haven't seen part 2 yet (that's tonight!).

**I - Sorrow**

The air is thick with regret - on both of their parts. They both know the other loved her as much as they themselves did.

Lee's had his chance to say goodbye - she's been living with him for two weeks ... two weeks since she died and he's finally able to put her picture up and drive the tack into the wall, the sound of it deafening him like the ringing of the hammer as it would have driven the last nail into her coffin.

If she had one.

Their eyes meet and Lee's fill with tears. He won't shed them, it's not his way. Anders will cry ... already has - he has no such inhibitions about people seeing his grief. Lee's will be locked up inside him forever, the glistening of his eyes visible only to those who know to look for it.

**II - Anger**

The meeting is tense. They're fighting for their lives here ... not just against the cylons but against their own prejudices. Adama isn't willing to trust Lee anymore. Lee isn't willing to volunteer anything - after all, a man with no integrity has nothing useful to contribute right?

"Is that the best you can do?" The disdain in Lee's voice drips like molasses.

"You have a better idea?" Adama is venomous.

"Of course I don't have a better idea! I'm not the one who comes up with crazy-ass plans that always save the day. Maybe we should talk to Starbuck. She'll know ..."

He trails off and their eyes meet.

She's never going to come up with a crazy-ass plan for them to laugh at then put into action ... ever again.

Lee blinks, trying to get the tears out of his eyes. Bad enough his father thinks he's a coward with no integrity ... he doesn't need to add crybaby to that list. But as he blinks the last of the tears away he sees his father's eyes clearly.

His tears are reflected there.

**III - Passion**

She cries out his name in the throes of passion and as Lee feels himself being pulled along he opens his eyes, expecting to see her angelic face framed by a cloud of tangled blonde hair hovering over him.

His throat constricts and the tears pool in his eyes at the sight of her brown hair and skin.

They only made love once, but that once is burned into him like a brand he'll never be able to remove. It runs far deeper than the tattoo Anders wears. He thought he could forget her - turn his thoughts back to his wife and be a good husband to her but every time they make love his body's response is to conjure _her_ in his mind. It wasn't so bad before - after all, many people fantasize about being with others when they're with their partners.

But somewhere in the back of his mind he's always known he'll go back to her ... whether for good or just for another illicit affair, she'll always be there waiting, ready to let him in should he knock.

Now she's gone and the memory of how she felt against him, around him, is just that, a memory.

**IV - Despair**

He supposes he should care that she left but he doesn't really. It's rather peripheral in the grand scheme of things ... she's just the last in a long string of people who've left him, either physically or emotionally.

She's done both.

He figures he should be sad about their marriage breaking up but how can you be sad about breaking something that was never whole to begin with? It's taken him over a year to figure it out but he finally got it - Dee was just a substitute for Kara. Someone to keep him company, to look good on his arm ... to back him when times were tough.

But she couldn't even do that.

No, Dee's leaving didn't really matter - after all she wasn't the one he loved. But after first losing Kara, then his father and even Roslin ... after a fashion, he'd hoped that his wife at least would support him in his unpopular decision. Apparently her devotion didn't extend to those outside the military though. It was rather ironic that she was willing to tolerate his indiscretion with Kara, forgive him and take him back but yet the minute he stood up to his father, made a decision that he knew was going to get him into hot water and walked away from the military he'd so longed to leave, she turned her back on him and wasn't willing to be there for him, either emotionally or physically.

He blinks back the tears lest Lampkin see them and pounce. At this point Lampkin and the trial are all he has left.

**V - Joy**

It's the first time.

The first time he holds her in front of everyone.

The first time he kisses her in front of everyone.

The first time he tells her he loves her in front of everyone.

It's the first time.

The first time he doesn't feel guilty for being with her.

The first time he doesn't think of Dee or Anders when he holds her in his arms.

The first time he's positive that despite everything, they still have a future together.

It's the first time.

The first time he cries in front of her.

The first time he cries in front of Galactica's crew.

The first time he cries in front of his father.

As he holds her in his arms, vowing never to let her go he sees his tears reflected not only in his father's eyes but in the eyes of each and every person present and he knows that he's the luckiest one of them all ... everyone has a connection to Kara and is thrilled she's back, but his connection is the strongest.

She holds him and tells him she missed him ... and that she loves him. And his tears are reflected in her eyes.

For the first time - tears of joy.

_ fin _


End file.
